10 Ways for Children to Stay Connected
A number of my friends and colleagues have mentioned to me that one of the things they have noticed children are missing now that we are staying at home during the covid-19 pandemic, is the connection with their peers.
With Easter school holidays upon us children will have less school work to keep them busy and more time to spend on making genuine connections with friends and family.
When I think about how children adjust and make connections one way or another, a gorgeous image I saw on social media comes to mind. A couple of pre-school aged children talking to each other across the fence, one on his shed roof top and his new found friend in her garden next door. They were happily chatting about their day, and showing their toys to each other. The fact is, children adapt better than us adults and they will find a way to connect one way or another but here are a few ideas we have tried at our place or I’ve seen working elsewhere.
1. Have children record a video of themselves for a friend or send a funny photo to a friend
Even as adults we have fun sending our friends photos and videos, hence the success of social media sites. You may not want your children all over the internet but a simple video or photo message can make a friend or family member’s day.
2. Video calls and phone calls
Chatting over the phone or via video calls is pretty obvious and not something new. At times we have had to be apart my daughters and I have found we can even sing together on Whatsapp video calls. So sweet. But when younger children talk to each other over the phone it can be painfully stilted as they haven’t quite developed their conversational skills.
Consider prompting children before the call for things they might talk about, questions they'd like to ask their friends and things they would like to share. Having them on speaker can also help as you can guide them if the conversation starts to wane. Of course with children moving into their teen years this will be completely unacceptable to them and they will most likely need their privacy when talking to their friends.
Another idea to support children to develop their conversational skills is to involve your children in your own phone calls (where appropriate) to friends and family; this way you are also modelling conversational skills.
3. Virtual play dates
While video calls are tried and tested, the virtual play date, is something different in our house.
We have found that the girls are more engaged if their play dates have a purpose; “lets play dolls together or Lego together”, rather than “lets have a virtual play date”. If siblings are going to play together with the same friend it might also be worth using, Zoom or messenger conference call for the play date so all the children can have their own device. Just remember the more people added to the call the harder it is to have meaningful conversations.
Before the play date think about how it might work. Is the device you are going to use static or mobile? What would suit this play date best? If the children are going to build Lego or paint together (you are brave) than a static device such as a computer might be best. If the children are going to move around in their house or backyards then a tablet or your phone is probably going to be more suitable.
4. Writing letters
Pen pals are back. Depending on your circumstances you can have your children write letters to pop in their friend’s mail box or you can always take a photo and message the letter direct to the friend. I haven’t found that the children need help with this, at 7 and 8 years old they are comfortable sharing their feelings with their friends and family in writing. If your children are younger or less comfortable with writing they could do a drawing for a friend; a drawing can tell an amazing story.
5. Make or bake something for a friend
Making something for someone, automatically gives a task meaning and purpose. A handmade gift or freshly baked treat that you can drop at their doorstep, will really make someones day. Spreading kindness is contagious, but even if you are not in a position to give the gifts to the receiver just yet it still helps the children to be thinking of those they care for as they make them something and the relationship with the friend or family member is still being invested in.
6. Start a bag of hand me downs
It might seem a little out of left field but the fact is that the more time we are having at home the more things we are finding that we no longer need, fit into or enjoy anymore. Think of some younger (or smaller) children you know, who could they use these things. Every time you find an item of clothing or a toy that your child feels would suit this friend they can pop it in the bag and automatically they are thinking of their friends and building empathy and understanding for others.
7. Parties via video conferencing
I am sure you have all started to hear about or quite possibly taken part in a catch up with a bunch of friends via Zoom. It can be a real laugh but also a real challenge, just ask the teachers trying to use it to teach a handful or more children at one time. Is it a little harder to have a meaningful discussion with all the contributors, contributing at once.
Having said that, with some forward thinking they can be lots of fun. If you are the host, think about making the call fun with dress ups or challenges for the ‘guests’. Activities to give everyone a laugh without all the guests trying to speak at the same time and getting frustrated.
8. Present Drop Off
Does one of your friends have a birthday coming up? Consider popping a present on their door step or a card in their mail box. It will really make their day. A little forward planning, some time writing a card and a courtesy call or message to prepare the receiver is all that is needed.
9. Hang signs in your windows, on your fences or write with chalk on the pavement
You have probably seen many of these ideas on social media. Why not get amongst it.
I saw a lovely post on socials the other day where the grandchildren took a sign they made for their Nonna right up to her window and stood there holding it up in front of her with their gorgeous smiles. That image will stay with Nonna forever.
10. Encourage kindness and help children to connect to their own emotions
This last idea might not seem like it is about social connections but it is in fact the backbone of positive, worthwhile social connection. The focus needs to be on empathy and kindness for us all to get through challenging times. As a family we have decided to try and do one random act of kindness every day. So far we have dropped a note and plant to a neighbour, organised birthday gifts for friends who had to cancel birthday parties and written cards for nurses.
While it is important to encourage kindness to others it is also vital that we genuinely check in on our children. Being resilient is not about being okay all the time. Its okay to be upset, disappointed and super frustrated. A lot of things have changed and no one knows for how long. It's about helping children to develop strategies and skills for bouncing back when times have been tough. Connecting with others is a great way to get through these tricky times.
Have fun connecting!
