How Asking for Help Makes Me a Better Mum

I'm not sure that this is a catchy title for an article but the fact is- it’s true and I couldn't think of a better way of saying it. I've not always been good at asking for help from anyone- not before I was a mum and not since. But honestly, ever since the twins were born I've finally learned to ask for help.

Here are three types of help that I’m getting better at asking for- within each category there are a multitude of practical ways you can seek help.

Small Favours from Friends or Family

On the day the twins were born my cousin picked up my girls from the hospital (who had come to the routine ultrasound for the first time ever) to take them out for lunch and a swim. Basically to distract them from the fact that their Mum had just been admitted to hospital at just 26 weeks gestation. For her, she felt it was the least she could do. For me, she was an angel- there was so much to take in on this whirlwind day so also managing the emotional needs of my girls was really hard.

From that day I started saying yes to offers of help- whether it was some toiletries that didn't make my skin crawl, meals to be dropped off for the family or lifts to be with the boys each day in NICU(it was 100 days before they would come home). I was taking any help so I could focus on my physical and emotional health at this tricky time- as well as that of the children and my husband.

Things have settled down since those first few months but the lesson learnt stays with me. These days I'm much more likely to ask a Mum at school if she's okay for my daughter to go to netball training with her or ask my Dad to sit at home while the twins nap so I can do the groceries alone. It's an easy task for him but a huge help for me.

The nicest thing about this- is it creates community. My Mum friends are more likely to ask me for help if they know they have helped me in the past and doing something small for them is no big deal for me- if it makes life easier for them, I feel good too.

Ask An Expert 

Whether it's a sleep consultant, doctor, teacher, tutor, sports coach, psychologist, speech therapist or occupational therapist (or anyone else you can think of- the list is exhaustive). If you need advice, help for yourself or for your children- it can really help to seek the guidance of an expert. Even if the most you get out of the expert is that things are going well- that's a win.

Asking for help from experts in my childrens’ lives is something that I didn't realise I needed until I finally did it. It was as if I thought I could meet every physical, emotional and academic need of my growing children. It was a huge burden lifted off me when I realised that I could seek the expertise of others and that no one expected me to have all the answers. It seems obvious in hindsight but it took nearly 10 years of being a Mum to work it out.

Pay for Services Where you can

The fact is there are many daily tasks that become super mundane and we can't really ask for our support network to mop the floors or put the toys away- even though we surely want to.

But we can pay for someone to make life a little easier- for e.g. I pay for a Nanny once a week to run my girls from school to their activities so they don't miss out and I can keep my employer happy. It’s not something that I can afford everyday but it really helps having this set up once a week.

I know this option is tricky for many who can not financially afford it. I'd love to use a cleaner but can't justify it on a regular basis so instead I just use one casually when I don’t have one thousand other expenses and it brings me so much joy when I do. 

That said- we can make our own lives easier without paying through the roof. Take away on a Friday night is my favourite meal of the week, not because of the food itself but rather because of the break from cooking and cleaning up after dinner which leaves more time for snuggling on the couch for movie night.

The main message is that getting help doesn't make you weak or incompetent. In fact it demonstrates how resourceful you can be. It allows you time to …(insert whatever you need here), helps you to have energy to actually connect with your children and hopefully stops resentment building up and exhaustion impending.

Please, ask for some help-you deserve it!